Elizabethan Peasant 1: Look yonder! Someone has writ upon that ceiling that thou art most easily gulled!
Elizabethan Peasant 2: More fool they, for I cannot read.
Elizabethan Peasant 1: *sighing, lowers his visage unto his palm*
Elizabethan Peasant 1: Lo, hast thou learned to read?
Elizabethan Peasant 2: Verily, and to compose as well.
Elizabethan Peasant 1: With haste, then, how is the word “i cup” composed?
Elizabethan Peasant 1: what ho, I know a sporting jest! What art thou when thou art a peasant and art occupied in a privy?
Elizabethan Peasant 2: I wist not, but certain am I that thou shalt tell me speedily.
Elizabethan Peasant 1: Most verily, thou art a peon.
Elizabethan Child: Father, I have not yet broken fast and am filled with pangs of hunger.
Elizabethan Father: Hail, Filled With Pangs Of Hunger! Mine own name is Wybert.
Elizabethan Scholar 1: Alack, I have in my purse but sixty-nine pence.
Elizabethan Scholar 2: Lusty fellow, knowst thou well what such a sum portends!
Elizabethan Scholar 1: I…I have not sufficient to sup on fowl.
Elizabethan Scholar 1: Mine name is verily Micheal with a ‘b’, and I hast been afraid of insects mine entire life.
Elizabethan Scholar 2: Cease cease cease. Wither is the bee?
Elizabethan Scholar 1: Thither is a bee?
Elizabethan husband: Wife, ho! Bring forth my keys!
Elizabethan wife: [throws a writing slope before him]
Elizabethan husband: My keys, my keys! What, hast thou not ears?
Elizabethan wife: I thought thou said writing slope.
Elizabethan husband: Devil take thee; why would I say writing slope?
Elizabethan daughter: Harken father! Tis the valorous kush!
Elizabethan father: Thou art in the petty market; how valorous mayest it be?
Elizabethan Peasant: Good morrow, my fine fellows! Thou mayest call me Jared, I has’t seen 19 years upon the Good Lord’s green earth, but I am melancholic, for I must admit it was not my privilege to learn to decipher script.
whoever is running the sparknotes twitter account needs a raise
OMG I want to go back in time and send all of these to english-majoring student me. After I explain twitter. And John Mulaney. And later seasons of Parks & Rec.
OH MY GOD I AM CRY-LAUGHING RIGHT NOW. OH JESUS. OH NO… IT’S ALL SO FUNNY. BIG OL’ TEARS
Gay people have a very long and proud history of not being able to sit down properly in chairs. It can be argued that Oscar Wilde in fact was fundamental in the creation of this aspect of gay culture. In this essay, I will
So when YOU sew a bunch of unmatched parts together, it is “a quilt” and “a beautiful gift” and “will assuredly become a family heirloom” but when I sew a bunch of unmatched parts together it is “A MONSTER” and “AN ABOMINATION, AN AFFRONT TO THE GODS” and goes on “A MURDEROUS KILLING SPREE.”
do you ever think about how weird it is that the moral of Frankenstein is kind of less just “graverobbing is weird and creepy” and more “take some fucking responsibility if you’re going to do so”
“if you’re going to create a large corpse son, you better be ready to love him”
